Meditative Epiphanies

I was late to mediation class this morning.

It was my own fault for procrastinating and attempting to fit too much into too short a time period leading up to class.

Class was a bit overwhelming for me today because it brought up unhealed “stuff” that has been triggering me a lot and bringing up anger, fear and frustration for quite some time.

That in turn, raised issues for others in the class, and deep conversations ensued.

I left feeling fragile and vulnerable, but with a plan to set in motion upon my return home.

I spent some quality time soaking up the beauty of the river on this first day of spring.

After chatting with Adoring Husband and BGWLBH, working on my patchwork jeans for about an hour, I made myself a cup of soursop tea which I took to my room with the raspberry and white chocolate cheesecake treat that I bought myself so that I could get comfy on my bed and commence my healing plan.

I found this journal in Tinkerbells Mystical and Fantasy almost a year ago and I’ve been holding on to it and waiting for just the right purpose. 

 

What does ‘self love’ look like for me?

I responded with five written pages and included:

• Using traffic control - stopping frequently during the day and checking my thoughts and actions while reminding myself that I am a peaceful soul.
• Recognising my triggers before they make me react in anger and frustration.
• Feeling grateful, not just for all that I have now, but for all the lessons, struggles, obstacles, difficulties and challenges that I have faced, overcome and worked through to become who I am today.
• Remembering that I am a soul, caretaking and driving this physical body.
• Independently providing my own love, acceptance, tolerance, strength, kindness, peace etc., and not expecting others to provide those things for me.
• Forgiving myself for being angry about how Parkinson’s has affected my life and remembering that I am still loved by Adoring Husband, myself and The Divine.
• Removing self-doubt, self-judgement and self-criticism from my inner dialogue.

That’s just a select few ‘self love’ actions that I wrote in my journal. It will be an ongoing project and I already feel lighter for it. The test will be putting it all into practise on a daily basis and not fall back into bad habits, which I know is easily done.

I played with Harley around the pool and felt gratitude for this little oasis in my own back yard.

Tonight’s dinner was a creamy, lemony sauce over chicken breast for BGWLBH and a pork loin chop for AH. I served it with roasted pumpkin, spinach and pine nut salad and boiled buttery potatoes.

Now it’s after 11pm and I need to get up early for a day in the Bay.

Nite all.