It feels weird having people come to my house to buy my photos. I find myself searching for reasons why they want my photos, other than the fact that my photos are good and these people genuinely want to own something that I've created.
I am such an interesting subject to study!
I wonder why I spend so much time trying to undermine my successes??
Constantly reading between the lines and trying to convince myself that people are buying my photos just because they are kind and generous and feel sorry for me because I went to all this trouble for an exhibit, so 'somebody' should buy 'something'.
I am not writing all of this as a 'call out' to receive encouragement or affirmations of my talent.
I am writing this because I really struggle to simply say 'thank you' to people. I have to work hard at 'accepting' the accolades without adding a 'but'. I don't understand what it was, precisely, in my life, that made me this way!
But it is VERY noticeable to me now, and I am trying hard to figure it out.
Why do I keep trying to convince myself that I'm not that good? The second that I have a positive thought about how good my photography is, there is an IMMEDIATE thought that goes with it and it always starts with 'BUT'
For example, here are some of my thought processes:
- I really am a talented photographer ... but my shots don't even come close to National Geographic.
- My photos are beautiful, but they will never be as beautiful as those that have been photoshopped.
- It's a great photo, but it should be when I'm using such a great camera.
- It was a lucky shot.
- It's a great shot but I had to take 100 shots to get that one good shot.
- Anybody could have done that.
I've always been like this, but right now, it is glaringly obvious and it feels like I'm slapping myself in the face with every negative thought.
I'm just not sure how to get out of this mindset. There have been a few times when I've been able to tell myself in mid thought STOP THINKING THAT WAY!!
But a lifetime habit is very difficult to break!
I must remember the power of positive thinking!!
I must stop slapping myself in the face!!
I'm going to bed. Big day tomorrow, and I hope to have some great shots to share at the end of it.
Nite all.
2 comments:
Good questions in yr last blog.
Just one small suggestion. Maybe
it is or has been SAFER to put
yourself down to avoid the pain
of someone else doing it...?
You have SO much talent to be
celebrated.....keep working on
positive thinking. xx grannymus
All I have to say is,
your photos are fantastic
Yes you have a good camera - you also learnt how to use it properly!
You got lucky - by knowing where to look for the photo, by taking the time everyday to find something new then going back to 'get lucky'
You take 100 shoots to get one good one - what you think the National Geographic photographers only ever get perfect shots?
Photoshop is not everything...I think photoshop is a great tool for editing, there are many different ways to edit photos - if I just an online free program is this ok coz it is not photoshop? Don't think of PS as a swear word think of it as a tool or an extension of your talent.
Ok no more to say now except I know how you feel...I am full of the self doubts and I have not had an exhibit. I think you are an amazing lady with a great talent. Believe in yourself and I will show in your work.
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