Nice to see you!

Three major events occurred for me last year (2010), all in the space of about 2 weeks. I turned 50. The following day I got married. Two weeks later, my oldest daughter became pregnant with her first child and my first grandchild.

Most middle-aged people will tell you that in their minds, they still feel 20 something. It's the same for me.

Wasn't it only yesterday that I was planning a night out with guys from the surf club? That gorgeous new perm. Flaired, cuffed denims and the red t-shirt with the off-the-shoulder frill. Corked platform wedgies. **sigh**

Suddenly I'm looking in the mirror and wondering how 30 years can flash by so damned quickly!

So here I am in cyberspace, sharing my genuine shock and horror with anyone who'll listen and maybe I'll even meet some other over 50s who find themselves in the same predicament!

Welcome to my dilemna!!

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Day 124 in a Year of my Life

Well, I wrote a rather intense post tonight, and then when I re-read it, decided to delete it.

I'm really feeling de-railed and I'm trying so hard to get back on track, but I can't seem to find my way.

Everything has changed.

My house doesn't feel like my home right now (for obvious reasons).

My town doesn't look or feel like my town any more.

The event has shown me that some people who I thought were 'my' people, really aren't.

It showed me that other people care more than I thought.

Some people have already left town, never to return, and that leaves a hole in the heart of the town.

I really miss the life that was.

I miss the trees.  I miss switching lights on and off.  I miss my oven.  I miss music.  I miss the old Seat of Knowledge.  I miss the landscape.  I miss the relaxed, carefree attitude.  I miss all the 'stuff' that is now packed in boxes in the back room until we are repaired.  I miss 'normal'.

I'm sick of the tarp on the roof and the horrible noises it makes in the wind.  I'm sick of all the different coloured tarps on all the roofs in our street.  I'm sick of seeing all the holes in the houses.  I'm sick of missing all the things in the last paragraph.

So I have to move forward.  I have to figure out a way to do that.  I must stop dwelling on what 'was' and focus on ways to be happy again. I need to slowly build on my happy future, step by step.

One thing I know for sure ... I have to stop writing this late at night, because it's when I feel the most melancholy.  I should write in the day time and then go to bed at a reasonable hour so that sleep can heal my mind and heart.

A photo from today ...

I like the light and shade, as well as the textures in this one.

Tomorrow ... brighter and lighter!

Nite all.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Holding you in love!!!!

h xx