How I feel about Mum's birthday

Had she lived, today would have been my Mum's 71st birthday.  I know I've said it before, but I wish she was here to share our little Chicklet with us.

One of the many faces of Chicklet

Play time.

I wish she was here to share baby stories and talk about me as a baby, compared to Vegan Chickie as a baby, compared to Chicklet now.

Grandparents and great-grandparents tend to do that stuff.

I feel a bit cheated that we didn't get to share this fun time.

I feel a bit alone.

I feel like there's nobody who has been in my life long enough to understand 'me' and 'this' and how it all fits together.

I feel like there is nobody who appreciates all that I've been through in my life and how I got 'here' now.

I feel a bit isolated in the world.

I feel like only a Mum can understand all these things ... even if it's never talked about ... it's a shared history and having that one person who has been there for it all, kind of wraps you in an invisible security blanket.

It's a difficult thing to understand until you haven't got it anymore.

There are moments in your life when you feel the massive empty chasm that their passing creates.

This is a difficult time of year for many reasons.  May/June has all the important events that Mum was passionate about, like State of Origin Football and Wimbledon Tennis Grand Slam, as well as Mother's Day in May and her birthday in June.

Even though I don't necessarily dwell on them, these things sit quietly in the back of my mind and little things trigger the memories.

I often wonder how different our lives might have been if she was still with us.

I apologise for being a bit of a sad sack in this post.  I do try to be up-beat and positive in my blog posts, but once in a while, the melancholy visits briefly and it's nice to have this place to share my feelings.

These things pass.  Tomorrow will be a new day.  Tomorrow will be a better day.

Wherever you are Mum, I'm thinking of you with love ... Happy Birthday.