UGH!! Toads make my skin crawl!!

Anti-social:  unable or unwilling to associate in a normal or friendly way.  That's what toads are.

I LOVE frogs (as you may already be aware), but I really, really, really, really, really HATE toads!  They are the most disgusting creatures on the planet.  They are ugly.  They are poisonous.  They only come out at night.  They kill frogs (and any other creature that gets too close).  They lay eggs in still water, so even the dog's water bowl is not safe.  They can squeeze through the smallest opening to get to where they want to be and they smell!

I have three phobias.  The first is sharks.  Even though I adore living close to the water, I dislike swimming in it, because I am terrified of sharks.  I was bumped by a shark while swimming in the ocean when I was 17 yrs old, so the fear is strong!

The second phobia is dying in a plane crash.  This is residue from watching all the 'Airport' movies as a teenager. My biggest fear is surviving in a plane that crashes into the ocean and THEN I am eaten alive by a shark!!  ***shudder***

My third phobia is toads.  When I was little, about four or five years old, I had a puppy that was killed by a toad.  The toad squirted it's poison into the mouth of my puppy and it died a painful death during the night.

The house that we lived in at the time, had a timber ramp that went from the back door down to the concrete path that led all the way down the back yard to the 'outhouse' (or 'toilet' for you young ones who have only experienced shiny white flushing indoor varieties).

Picture this:  You're standing at the back door in the middle of the night looking out over the yard.  There is a full moon, so it is quite light out.  The dew on the grass is glistening in the moonlight.  You see movement out of the corner of your eye and you look towards the movement.  There, about six metres away is a big fat brown shiny toad, hopping towards the concrete path.

As he hops, he disturbs another toad about a metre away, which also takes a hop.  This, in turn, creates almost a domino effect and suddenly there are thirty toads hopping all over the back yard, onto and over the concrete path.  The concrete path that your little 5 yr old legs need to carry you along to reach the outhouse.

Those killer toads, one of which, killed your little puppy!

Nope!  Not doin' it!  Pull the jammy bottoms down, hang on to the railing of the ramp, swing myself over the side and pee into the garden!!  Run inside and slam that back door before they getcha!

So, one night recently, we accidentally left the garage door open after dark.  Our double garage is part of our house with a door that enters from it to our family room/kitchen.  That door was also open.  I closed the garage door at about 8pm.  Adoring husband went to bed at 8.30pm.  I went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea at 9pm and there to greet me were two large, ugly brown toads!

I gasped loudly and quickly stepped back into the lounge room.  OMG!  What do I do?  What do I do?

Stop hyperventilating and get Adoring Husband!

I opened the bedroom door to the sound of Adoring Husband's loud snores.  "Adoring Husband! Adoring Husband!"  I shouted.  He sat up with a fright.  "What's the matter?" he gasped, probably thinking the house was on fire or something equally devastating!

"There are two toads in the house!"  I shrilled.
"Well what the hell do you want me to do about it?" he asked through his sleepiness.
"Get them OUT!!!!"  I demanded, wondering what the hell he thought the other options might be!!

He cursed me as he dragged himself out of bed and put some clothes on.

Of course, by the time we got back out to the family room, the toads had disappeared!  This meant moving all of the furniture until we found them ... or I should say until HE found them, because I was backed against a wall holding my breath and refusing to move in case the killer toads GOT ME!

It took him about 20 minutes to find them and he threw a tea towel over each one and threw the toads over the fence (this does not kill or injure a toad, so no toads were harmed in this story!) and the tea towels were then disposed of.

New rule:  Garage door MUST be closed before the sun goes down.

Last night, somehow the laundry door was left open.  This created a 'party effect' for all beetles, mosquitoes, crickets, bugs and TOADS!  What a mess!

Luckily there was only one toad and it was very small.  Small enough that I shuddered and gasped and grunted and squirmed but was still able to remove it without waking Adoring Husband.

New rule:  Close all access points to the house before the sun goes down!

UGH!!  Toads make my skin crawl!!  They are the only bad thing about living in Queensland!