Excellence in Parenting (or lack of it).

After yesterday's effort at being non-creative, I had reason today, to question the 'fear of success' comment.

I've begun reading a blog called 'Single Dad Laughing' http://www.danoah.com/? and the first post that I read yesterday was called 'Worthless Teenagers and the Parents Who Make Them'.   

For a male, he is wise and perceptive.  I love the way he writes and I love the way he thinks.  He made me think about my efforts as a parent.  I responded to his most recent post today, and a part of my comment reads:

• I shake my head in disbelief at how thoughtless and selfish I was as a parent of young  children and  teenagers and I shake my head in wonder at how well they are doing as adults despite my dreadful shortcomings.  I can't begin to imagine the limits they put on their own potential because of me.

*******

An intelligent human being with a bit of life experience behind them, will look at the way their parents raised them, recognise the magic and use it thoughtfully.  They will also recognise the mistakes and figure out a way to NOT make the same ones with their own children.

Parenting is more complex than you can ever imagine it is before you take on the role.  To even do an adequate job, it requires 100% dedication and commitment.  I certainly did NOT do that.

I was young and immature and selfish and if I could go back knowing what I know now, how different life would be for my kids.

There are lots of contributing factors to my inadequate parenting (too numerous to mention) and considering my many errors in judgement, my children became pretty amazing adults.

Thinking of all the defining moments in their lives, moments that I witnessed and those that I didn't, the decisions that they made at those times were, on the whole, the right decisions for them.

They didn't make any life destroying decisions.  They have made mistakes, which we all do, and they have learned from those mistakes and their characters have certainly been strengthened.

I wonder if, like me, they hold back.  I wonder if, like me, they find reasons or excuses to not do something amazing instead of believing all of the reasons why they SHOULD do something amazing.

I wonder if they have missed opportunities because I have passed on my emotional baggage to them.  Or worse!!  What if I have created NEW emotional baggage?!  Ugh!

Let me take this opportunity to tell my grown children ...

Early on, I certainly made life into a bit of an obstacle course for you and you have shown such strength of character to struggle your way through and over all the obstacles that I (and others) placed in your life path.

I apologise for passing on so much of my emotional baggage to you during your childhood.

I so hope that you can find even some small glimpses of magic in your experiences with me that you can use when raising your own kids.

I also hope that you don't make my mistakes, but make your own, be they small,  that you can apologise for in the future.

I think that taking all of my shortcomings and some of my terrible life decisions into consideration,  you guys have turned out to be pretty amazing human beings!

I am incredibly proud of you and I reckon that if you can survive the first sixteen years of your life with me, you can survive ANYTHING!!

So open your heart and your mind to all the potential that is yours and don't hold back!  I will love and support you and take pride in your achievements.  I will love and support you and give you a shoulder to cry on if it takes more than one try.

Please don't be afraid of more success.  Don't have regrets.

Most importantly, be happy.  Life is short and feeling your heart bursting with joy is something that you should be trying to experience on a regular basis.

If you are already doing all of these things, then my work is done!  What an excellent parent I have been and excuse me while I bask in the glory!